I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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