12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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