The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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