Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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