I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He has the fingertips of a God
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