6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize