you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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