He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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