ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
