The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
