Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
