: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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