I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
