it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
