I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
