i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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