My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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