You smell like stripper and shame
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize