I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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