I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
