the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
