Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize