She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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