i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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