I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
