The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
