Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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