the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
