Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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