champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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