Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
