i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
