You work out of a Hotel?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
