New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just gargled with NyQuil
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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