its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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