remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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