Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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