i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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