The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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