it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
