idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
