then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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