New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
