11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
