I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
