i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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