hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
