Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
