I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
