I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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