No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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