i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
