He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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