big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I could make wine with my vomit
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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