so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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