Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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