i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
