Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
