Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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