Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
