cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize