u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
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I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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