I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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