It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
