So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
