So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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