but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
