Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize