I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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