There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
