My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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