mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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