I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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