i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
