Michael Bay diarrhea
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
