Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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