I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
