At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
