I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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