Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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