i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize