my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
