Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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