I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
