I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
