As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
