Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
