I hope mine doesn't look like that
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We are all done wearing pants today
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
