I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
