this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
