Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
