sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
