P.S. I can't hear my feet
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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