Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize