i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
