she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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