TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
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