sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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