I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
