don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
