I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
