I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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