Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
