He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize