Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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