fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
